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about

PROBABLY NOT WORKSAFE. But who knows?

Crime and the Forces of Evil have an alter-ego band called Mary Kaye and the Cosmetics. This all-girl punk band plays exclusively Hello Kitty-branded instruments, and writes four-chord hardcore songs with names like "Sick of America," "Sad Muppet," and, well, "My Boyfriend." Hey Hey, We're the Cosmetics. Got any vodka?

The lyrics change with every performance, but most of them are "my boyfriend" and are about his bra size. But despite that, there really is a point to this song! Play the intro track first if you want to know what it's really about.

This song also features the first (and most true) generation of the Fake Drumkit, which consists of two bodhran, a djembe, some bamboo, some wood, a few different strikers, and a glass vase. And on octave pedal. Used on drums. Take that, sanity!

lyrics

PROBABLY NOT WORKSAFE

My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND

My BOYFRIEND wears a B-CUP
So what the hell is up with that?
My BOYFRIEND wears a B-CUP
It's not because he's really fat

My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND

He got an ass I would kill for
His legs go up into the sky
His hair gets him hassled out/side the shops
But underneath his pants he's a guy

My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND

The shoulders of a supermodel
That probably explains a lot
I've got bigger tits than he'll ever have
He's not the only one here who's hot

I mean, I do kinda wonder sometimes
It's not like I don't trust him and all
But I've never had a boyfriend like him before
And his cock is all smooth and hard like plastic, it's kinda weird

My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND

My BOYFRIEND wears a B-CUP
I really like him built like that!
My BOYFRIEND wears a B-CUP
And ...wait.

...does this mean I'm a lesbian?

Nah, that can't be right, 'cause
I've got a boyfriend!
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND
My BOYFRIEND

I'm so confused.
Honestly.
What is going oooooooooon?!

credits

from Dick Tracy Must Die, released March 3, 2011

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Crime and the Forces of Evil Seattle

We are one bunch of seriously pissed-off elves, writing the songs of the supervillains. Enjoy our rage-driven acoustic elfmetal, or our GeoIP-driven heat ray. It's up to you.

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